Lesbian Psycho: Halloween Special Review!

Halloween is here and as an extra super special sapphic surprise to make your Homo Halloween complete, I've done a Halloween edition of my lesbian movie reviews! Bit of housekeeping first: movie reviews may only be done once a month. You know how it is. There's only so much time I can tear myself away work, university and X Factor to watch lesbian movies. And also, the Alex half of Alex and Tay may be doing most of the reviews, as Alex loves rubbish movies and Taylor does not, so Alex is the more willing party when it comes to spending spare time sitting through crap films about dykes. That's all on the housekeeping front! Nothing more to say than Happy Halloween, dear reader, and enjoy my monster movie advice for all you homo horror lovers out there!


What the blurb told us...
In the true tradition of slasher films like Friday the 13th and Halloween, Lesbian Psycho combines fever-pitch sexual tension and crossbow-wielding lesbian hijinks to winning effect. For her birthday, Susan takes a bevy of ex-girlfriends out for a camping trip with a difference. As the women bed down for the night, Sapphic frissons reverberate through the tents, while news breaks that there is a serial killer on the loose! One by one, the lesbians are picked off by an unseen assailant. But is the true identity of the killer such a mystery after all?


Alex says:
I really wanted to like Lesbian Psycho. (Who named this film?) This movie sounded perfect for me. (Seriously, who named this film?) I'm a massive horror movie fan. (The name sucks. Ok, I'll let it go.) I like anything in life better with the introduction of homosexuals. (Except the name of this movie. OK, really letting it go.)

I have always wanted to see a horror movie where the cheesy couple who have some hanky panky in a tent are gays. Gays of the woman variety, even better. I used to be a massive independent gay cinema fan. Horror has somewhat replaced gay cinema in my movie tastes, but they're two genres which I have a) been very into at certain points in my life and b) have a very very high tolerance for the frequently shocking examples of cinema they produce.


I'm not going to say Lesbian Psycho is out and out bad. It's very bland, is its biggest issue. And the ending SUCKS and ruined any fondness I might have otherwise had for the movie, but I won't do spoilers. The plot centres around a woman called Susan who has arranged a weekend event which would only go unquestioned in a gay movie: she's only invited five of her ex-girlfriends, four of whom cheated on her, to go camping with her. Oh, and the current girlfriend of the ex she still harbours affections for has also been invited along. Greeeeat birthday plans, Susan!

Despite the fact that all the gays are nodding along and seeing this as socially appropriate - oh, that was what you did on your last birthday? Sounds cool! - I'm sure they'll also be unsurprised that the movie sees the women bitch at and sleep with one another.
Oddly, these women all dress like they're in 1990 and this movie was released in 2010.
Why the unflattering pudding bowls and outfits off of Charmed, girls? Setting it aside from every other gay movie you ever saw, however, is the fact that the ladies are going about this totally normal social situation in the middle of nowhere, with the token horror movie obvious redherring that is a redneck lurking in the background, while they gradually get killed off. But don't worry, there are still jokes about vegetarianism and cunnilingus.


In its defence, Lesbian Psycho handled the fact that it had to kill a lot of people on a very low budget well. I have seen some poorly made, low budget horror movies in my time, eg. 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams, which go for ridiculously elaborate on-screen deaths without the budget to not make them look idiotic (I will always remember that stupid back break scene).
Lesbian Psycho did a lot of tactful cutaway shots. Now, if only they'd done that in the sex scenes...
Let me tell you, I never wanted to see half of what I had to sit through!

However, don't get too big-headed, Lesbian Psycho. This movie made the completely rookie error of thinking it was actually good. NUMBER ONE RULE OF MAKING A GOOD HORROR MOVIE. Do not think you are a good movie! Initially I thought Lesbian Psycho was having a laugh at itself, but the longer it went on, the more I saw this was not the case, and the duller it became.

Alack the day, the space in my life that longs to be filled by a standard early 2000s Hollywood horror movie populated by gays has not been filled by Lesbian Psycho. I do have to give it credit that the blurb was fairly accurate, for a change. Although I must have missed those traditional lesbian hijinks when I saw Friday 13th... Think maybe someone should have done a spot of proof reading.


Furthermore, it was good to watch lesbians in a horror movie without them just being there for the male gaze. It was also good to see a girl's car get a flat tyre and for her to go to fix it, rather than wander through the woods for miles like a twat (two thirds of the human centipede, I'm looking right at ya) or scream and then sit in her car despairing. Even Brad Majors wasn't as prepared as this homo motorist (all together now: "Dammit! I knew we should have gotten that spare tyre fixed!"). But to be honest, I wish I didn't have to cling to straws as desperate as Lesbian Psycho to not see women being presented in a sexist light in a genre I enjoy.

Overall, Lesbian Psycho gave being a good movie a good effort but it managed to remain as bland as its title. And if you want to see a good non-sexist horror movie, I'd still point you to Silence Of The Lambs. (Ooh! Or You're Next!)


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